Functional Freedom

Posted: March 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

As I write this, my cat is sitting on top of my wireless router.

This is, in general, not something that I would think to do. As far as I’m concerned, a wireless router is a thing made to provide access to cute pictures of cats, not to warm the butt of an actual cat. However, it is nonetheless almost perfect for the task — I’ve got it on top of a shelf, so it has the height that cats generally prefer, and of course it puts off a noticeable but not excessive amount of heat. So the cat is not bothered with niceties of labels and such. The cat sits.

In fact, overall it has been quite educational to watch the cat observing my apartment and classifying every item in it as “Cat Food” (kitty kibble, human’s dinner, beer, unidentifiable residue in sink, shreds from paper shredder, etc.), “Cat Toy” (furry stuffed skunk, human, power cord for laptop, pocket knife, costume fox tail, shoes (whilst being worn), dust motes in skylight, power strip for TV, etc.), “Cat Bed” (human’s feet, human’s back, human’s face, human’s seat on couch, router of previous mention, etc.) and “Cat Litter Box” (litter box in bathroom, litter box in living room, fortunately aside from one incident no etc.) according to their various properties. Often previously unnoticed properties.

If he had thumbs, I fear that he might figure out how to point a gun at his own balls, blow up the apartment, and fly away on a hang glider made from bedsheets.

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